I'm turning a year older tomorrow and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm not really excited about it. And its got absolutely nothing to do with that morbid ageing phobia. You know how some people simply freak out at the thought that they'll soon be turning 30. Funny thing, considering that most of us live well past 60!
Anyway, for me, its just that a couple of issues have come into sharp focus, and I'm sort of overwhelmed. The major issue of course, is that I'm single and not too keen to mingle. Which works perfectly well for me. But it constantly haunts my mom, and she in turn, haunts me! Which basically means that she does an extensive research over every bachelor in town that she knows of, or her friend or neighbour or distant relative knows of. And then I'm bombarded with a 101 absurd reasons why I should marry the guy. eg. He comes from a good family, doesn't drink, always well dressed, never abuses, very soft-spoken, hasn't had any affairs. (Is he gay?!) The one-sided conversation invariably ends with a "he will keep you happy" verdict. To my horror, I've discovered that my mom is terrific at both, convincing and sulking. 25 years of marriage have taught her well. So I'm afraid she might just coax me into an arranged marriage. GOD FORBID! I'm amazed how manipulative mothers can get when it comes to marriages!
The other important woman in my life who really wants to see me married is none other than my elder sister, who is currently 4 months into her first pregnancy. Prior to her own marriage, she always supported my decision to opt for a late marriage. But post-marriage and peri-pregnancy, she seems to have switched sides. Funnily enough, the only reason she wants me to get married is because she wants me to have kids ASAP, so that our kids can play together and bond well!!! I just hope my sister is only suffering from pregnancy induced dementia, and not permanent brain damage.
What makes matters worse is that I'm not even dating anybody. That sort of gives people a major incentive to look out for guys for me. You know, like its some sort of a community service or a "curb singlehood" campaign! I have all my uncles and aunties trying to do just that. And they come up with the crapiest options. Tell me about the generation "gap". Honestly, if I end up marrying a guy of their choice, my marriage will be nothing but a display of fireworks!
Seriously though, what is so wrong about wanting to stay single in your twenties? Is it a social offence? Has the govt. passed a bill against it? Does anybody even come close to realizing that perhaps I've got better things on my mind than simply get laid and procreate? That I aspire to be somebody successful and independent, with an identity distinct from my husband's. That I want to be at a certain stage in my professional life before I get married. That I want to truly fall in love with a guy before I take the plunge. I aspire to be a surgeon. My mom wants me to opt for a speciality that's less cumbersome, while my dad doesn't want me to specialize at all. Skeptical seniors often tell me that surgery is not a feasible option for a woman. I know they all mean well, but I wish people would be less cynical, and more encouraging. I know things wont be easy, but I'm confident that I'll manage. And I'll be just fine.
Actually, that's the only thing I want my folks to understand. That I will be fine. Don't worry if I'm not dating anybody. Don't worry if I'm still single at 30. Don't worry if I'm an ambitious optimist. Don't worry if I'm different or difficult. I'll eventually marry and have a family. But as of this moment, I'm just enjoying being single. I want to live life on my terms. I don't want to be dictated or manipulated. And I don't want to give up any of my dreams. I want to live 'today' without any compromises in the name of 'tomorrow'. So that when tomorrow finally arrives, I wont have to look back with remorse or regret, for all the things that I could have done, but didn't, just coz somebody felt that I couldn't or shouldn't. When tomorrow arrives, I want to feel fulfilled not just as a woman, but also as a person, as a surgeon. When tomorrow arrives, I want a reason to celebrate not just the coming year, but also the one that has gone by.
