OF LOVE STORIES AND HAPPY ENDINGS

I hate happily ever afters. Especially the mushy ones with rekindled romance, or love at first sight. I find them too superfluous. And they have a way of leaving you delusional. Your mind stretches the fantasy and you start looking forward to all the unrealistic elements. So the actual experience is somewhat disappointing.

I dislike movies with the typical Mills & Boons storyline. If your boyfriend dumps you with good reason, there's no way in hell he's gonna realize couple of years down the damn line that you were 'the one'. And if you're thinking that he's in some sort of denial, think again. He isn't, YOU ARE. Ditto if you're having an affair. No matter how hot the chemistry is or how desirable he claims you are, the smoothie will never call it quits with his fiance. He won't even contemplate that coz he's only looking for easy access to an alternate object. (That's you.) Don't dig for a deeper meaning coz he's alarmingly shallow. That's the reason there's an affair in the first place.

I'm critical about characters which portray a commitment phobia, or fear of intimacy. There is no phobia really, these people are just plain confused. But to say that bluntly doesn't sound appealing. So we construct some complex terms to lend some depth to their confusion, and add an element of intrigue. Even if we were to assume that a particular character actually suffers from the said phobias, I think that's all the more reason to steer clear of them instead of trying to read between their lines. Why would anyone want to pursue a dysfunctional relationship with a manic-depressive plagued by some inexplicable patho? Even a masochist would have serious trouble trying to derive pleasure here.

I'm equally skeptical about the whole knight in shining armour act. It's way too chauvinist. I think all women have the calibre to deal with their own issues. Besides, a spirited woman who can slay her dragons and fight her demons is far more attractive than the demure damsel in eternal distress. The pretty princess comes across as very needy.

And finally, I find the whole sighing and sulking bit, which fetches cute cards and love poems, a bit misplaced. By default, guys aren't programmed to be sentimental. So I suppose the only way to get them to write a poem for us would be by divine intervention. Or supreme motivation. In which case, pouting seems to be a better option.

To be candid, I think love is very much over-stated. Practically every woman on the planet wants her guy to be insanely crazy about her. Courtesy all the silly love stories that are made to look so adorable. It's phenomenal, in the sense that one man's imagination has become every woman's fantasy! We need to read more intelligent books. And we need to watch more action oriented and sci-fi movies. Infact, movies with crappy love themes should strictly have a warning that reads: ' CAUTION - Don't take this too seriously, or you might end up needing medications.'

Happily ever afters probably do occur, but definitely not in an exaggerated rosy way. In day-to-day life, routine sets in. And that translates into a mechanical way of doing things. There's nothing exciting about sipping martini for the 'n'th time with your spouse after 20 years of marriage. At that point, the thrill is probably in sneaking out with somebody else's spouse.

Sticking to your better/bitter half is more of a ritual. After a point, there are no more surprises or discoveries. So it's difficult to sustain the enthusiasm. You can't be in the honeymoon phase your entire married life. And you can't have an adrenaline rush after you've been married to a person for over 30 years. Pretty much the reason why you don't have sex 4 times a week at 65! At that age, if you're expecting your second honeymoon in an exotic locale with long walks and sweet talks, you're grossly over-looking rickety joints and bladder incontinence. Not to mention the lack of libido ofcourse.

Assuming that you do mange to stick it out together that long, you'll have something far more mellow. Honestly, I have no clue what that would feel like. And the funny thing is, I've never seen it in any of the movies either. Wonder if it's coz the movies don't last that long, or the stories don't?

WARD NO. 33

Theres something about working in a govt hospital. All the gory and crappy stuff appears so magnified, that in a strange way it makes us appreciate the trivial, simple details of life that we otherwise tend to overlook. We are hit with the sober fact that youth is so short-lived, life so fickle. A few extra ions in our blood, a couple of extra impulses in our heart, one ruptured vessel in our brain, and its pack up time. Then again, we are struck with the beautiful realization that the human body is, more than anything else, an amazing combination of science and art. And the human mind is truly the most fascinating thing known to man.

All these revelations do not occur when we enter the hospital. Neither do they occur when we leave. They just catch us off gaurd when we are doing the most mundane things. And then our mind simply runs back to the hospital, and we feel the full impact of something we witnessed back there.

We see shrivelled bodies and fragile structures, fighting gallantly or hanging on by a mere shread of hope. Some of them delirious, some comatose, some fairly stable. The spectrum is broad, and they vary anywhere between being aggressive to passive. Some hypochondriacs, and some incredibly narcissistic. They may come with paralysed limbs, or dysfunctional kidneys, an alcoholic liver, or a failing heart. We cut them open, stitch them up, nurture them, then send them back. Some leave eagerly, some grudgingly. Some dont want to leave at all.

But there are some who can not be allowed to leave. Family members dont know how to handle them, friends are scared of them, and society at large shuns them. The lay man calls them mad, the better educated ones call them psychotic. As medicos, we call them schizophrenics. Our world is too boring for them, and theirs is too much of a fantasy for us to believe. They have a surreal existance, and cant let anybody in. We, with all our medical expertise dont know how to let them out.

Cinema has often portrayed caricatures of psychiatric patients, so we have plenty of preconceived notions about them. Contrary to the general erroneous opinion, these people are not retarded. Neither do they go around yelling incessantly while tearing at their clothes. And please, they are not sick serial killers either, though I admit that they can sometimes get violent, and even homicidal. Still they harbour no malice. Their basic problem is an altered sense of perception. And their patho lies in the complete inability to recognize that problem.

What strikes me about them is that they are always so oblivious to their environment, so detached from everything. Even when they interact with you, they somehow seem aloof. Engrossed in their own world, they just go about doing what they want to do, thinking what they want to think, and believing that what they think is the ultimate truth. They will try to explain their obscure ideas to you. And if you happen to disagree, they will argue endlessly and persistently. Or they might just drop the topic thinking you are too thick to understand! I find that nothing less than endearing.

Despite their eccentric, and sometimes obnoxious behaviour, they can be very appealing. They have a knack to amuse you and engage you, which I think stems more from the disease than from their actual personality. Nonetheless, they do capture your interest. Their enigma perhaps lies in the nature of the disease itself, which is a bitter irony. Trapped and tricked by their own minds, they have to ultimately battle against themselves. And it is more or less a lost battle. But they do it in the most bold and inspiring way. As a mere on-looker, I have never felt more touched. Or more humbled.

MAKE A WISH

I'm turning a year older tomorrow and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm not really excited about it. And its got absolutely nothing to do with that morbid ageing phobia. You know how some people simply freak out at the thought that they'll soon be turning 30. Funny thing, considering that most of us live well past 60!

Anyway, for me, its just that a couple of issues have come into sharp focus, and I'm sort of overwhelmed. The major issue of course, is that I'm single and not too keen to mingle. Which works perfectly well for me. But it constantly haunts my mom, and she in turn, haunts me! Which basically means that she does an extensive research over every bachelor in town that she knows of, or her friend or neighbour or distant relative knows of. And then I'm bombarded with a 101 absurd reasons why I should marry the guy. eg. He comes from a good family, doesn't drink, always well dressed, never abuses, very soft-spoken, hasn't had any affairs. (Is he gay?!) The one-sided conversation invariably ends with a "he will keep you happy" verdict. To my horror, I've discovered that my mom is terrific at both, convincing and sulking. 25 years of marriage have taught her well. So I'm afraid she might just coax me into an arranged marriage. GOD FORBID! I'm amazed how manipulative mothers can get when it comes to marriages!

The other important woman in my life who really wants to see me married is none other than my elder sister, who is currently 4 months into her first pregnancy. Prior to her own marriage, she always supported my decision to opt for a late marriage. But post-marriage and peri-pregnancy, she seems to have switched sides. Funnily enough, the only reason she wants me to get married is because she wants me to have kids ASAP, so that our kids can play together and bond well!!! I just hope my sister is only suffering from pregnancy induced dementia, and not permanent brain damage.

What makes matters worse is that I'm not even dating anybody. That sort of gives people a major incentive to look out for guys for me. You know, like its some sort of a community service or a "curb singlehood" campaign! I have all my uncles and aunties trying to do just that. And they come up with the crapiest options. Tell me about the generation "gap". Honestly, if I end up marrying a guy of their choice, my marriage will be nothing but a display of fireworks!

Seriously though, what is so wrong about wanting to stay single in your twenties? Is it a social offence? Has the govt. passed a bill against it? Does anybody even come close to realizing that perhaps I've got better things on my mind than simply get laid and procreate? That I aspire to be somebody successful and independent, with an identity distinct from my husband's. That I want to be at a certain stage in my professional life before I get married. That I want to truly fall in love with a guy before I take the plunge. I aspire to be a surgeon. My mom wants me to opt for a speciality that's less cumbersome, while my dad doesn't want me to specialize at all. Skeptical seniors often tell me that surgery is not a feasible option for a woman. I know they all mean well, but I wish people would be less cynical, and more encouraging. I know things wont be easy, but I'm confident that I'll manage. And I'll be just fine.

Actually, that's the only thing I want my folks to understand. That I will be fine. Don't worry if I'm not dating anybody. Don't worry if I'm still single at 30. Don't worry if I'm an ambitious optimist. Don't worry if I'm different or difficult. I'll eventually marry and have a family. But as of this moment, I'm just enjoying being single. I want to live life on my terms. I don't want to be dictated or manipulated. And I don't want to give up any of my dreams. I want to live 'today' without any compromises in the name of 'tomorrow'. So that when tomorrow finally arrives, I wont have to look back with remorse or regret, for all the things that I could have done, but didn't, just coz somebody felt that I couldn't or shouldn't. When tomorrow arrives, I want to feel fulfilled not just as a woman, but also as a person, as a surgeon. When tomorrow arrives, I want a reason to celebrate not just the coming year, but also the one that has gone by.